What Is Parental Alienation? How It Affects Kids and Parents

Parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse. It happens when one parent manipulates a child into rejecting or resenting the other parent after a divorce or separation. This often involves badmouthing, controlling access, or creating a false narrative that turns the child against the targeted parent. Unfortunately, parental alienation can cause long-term emotional and psychological damage.

Signs of Parental Alienation

Parental alienation can be subtle or obvious. Here are some common signs:

• The child suddenly resents or fears one parent without a clear reason.

• The alienating parent speaks negatively about the other parent in front of the child.

• The child feels guilty for expressing love toward the targeted parent.

• One parent limits or completely cuts off the child’s contact with the other parent.

Effects of Parental Alienation on Children and Parents

For alienated children, it can cause confusion, emotional distress, and strained relationships that last into adulthood. Many grow up feeling torn between their parents, carrying unnecessary guilt or resentment.

For the targeted parent, this situation can be heart-breaking. Losing a relationship with your child due to manipulation is painful and unfair. It often leads to frustration, legal battles, and emotional suffering.

How to Stop Parental Alienation

If you suspect parental alienation, early intervention is key. Here’s what you can do:

• Seek legal support: Family courts recognize parental alienation and may enforce custody agreements to protect the child’s relationship with both parents. If you do consider legal proceedings, consider using an expert witness such as a child psychiatrist.

• Document everything. Make sure you keep a record of anything that could support you in court.  

• Consider emotional support: A professional coach, counsellor, or mental health professional can help rebuild the alienated parent by helping to facilitate the rebuilding of the parent-child bond and address emotional damage. Reunification therapy can help mend strained relationships too.

• Encourage co-parenting: When possible, maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship reduces conflict and prevents alienating behaviour.

False accusations

If your ex-partner is making false accusations, this can be extremely distressing. These situations can occur in high-conflict divorces and breakups or a need to be in control. If you suspect your ex-partner is attempting to make a false claim it’s important to stay calm. Here are some things you can do to minimise the risk.

1. Stay Calm and Document Everything

False allegations are often fuelled by conflict, so it’s essential to remain calm. Start gathering evidence to prove that you are fostering a positive relationship between your child and the other parent to counter any argument against custody. Keep records of:

• Texts, emails, and call logs showing your efforts to encourage co-parenting.

• Visitation schedules and proof that you comply with court-ordered custody agreements.

• Any messages where the other parent acknowledges your cooperation.

2. Communicate Thoughtfully

Avoid engaging in heated arguments with your ex, especially over text or email. Anything you say can be used against you in the family courts. Stick to neutral, fact-based communication and, if needed, use a co-parenting app that tracks messages and prevents manipulation.

3. Seek Professional Support

Consider working with:

• A family law attorney who specializes in custody disputes and parental alienation cases.

• A therapist or parenting coordinator who can provide professional insight and document that you are fostering a healthy relationship with your child.

4. Request a Custody Evaluation

If the accusations escalate, you can ask the court for a custody evaluation or a psychological assessment of your parenting. A licensed evaluator will interview both parents, the child, and other relevant parties to determine the truth.

5. Be Present and Continue Parenting Positively

Even when facing false accusations, focus on being the best parent you can be. Courts look favourably on parents who put their child’s best interests first. Keep showing up, maintaining a stable home, and avoiding any behaviour that could be misinterpreted.

6. Consider Court Action if Necessary

If the false allegations are affecting your custody rights, you may need to:

• Hire a family law attorneywho specializes in custody disputes and parental alienation cases.
• Use a therapist or parenting coordinatorwho can provide professional insight and document that you are fostering a healthy relationship with your child.
• File a motion with the court to address the accusations.
• Request make-up parenting timeif the false claims have led to lost visitation.
• Seek a modification of custody if the other parent is actively interfering with your relationship with your child.

Final Thoughts

Parental alienation is a serious issue that affects both children and parents after divorce. If you’re dealing with alienation, taking action early can make all the difference. Prioritizing the child’s emotional well-being and maintaining open communication can help rebuild trust and restore relationships. It’s essential to seek legal advice early on, to try and minimise the impact of alienating behaviours on yourself and your child.

If you’re finding your breakup difficult and want some professional support, click the link below and book a call today. Together, we can reduce overwhelm, dial down negative emotions, and take back your power!