Letting go of resentment & finding forgiveness after divorce

Going through a divorce can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, and betrayal. These feelings can linger long after the divorce is finalised, especially if you feel that your ex-partner was responsible for the breakup of your marriage. One of the main problems my clients express is having feelings of anger towards their ex and hanging on to blame.

Resentment can be toxic and affect your mental health and ability to move forward in your life. Forgiving your ex-partner and letting go of resentment can be a challenging but crucial step towards healing and moving on.

Forgiving is not for your ex, forgiving is you giving yourself permission to move on.

Here are some practical steps to help you let go of resentment and forgive your ex-partner after divorce:


Acknowledge Your Feelings:
I always stress to clients that what they’re feeling is natural and that feeling angry, sad, and betrayed is okay. Give yourself time to grieve, then recognise that holding onto resentment causes you pain and not the other person.


Shift Your Perspective:
Try to see the situation from a different perspective. Stepping into your ex-partner’s shoes may help balance your perspective and gain a better understanding of what went wrong. Instead of focusing on how your ex-partner hurt you, try to understand their perspective and the reasons behind their actions. This doesn’t mean that you condone their behaviour, but it may help you see things in a different light and understand the situation better.


Practice Empathy:
It might seem like the last thing you want to do but try practising empathy towards your ex-partner as it can be incredibly healing. Feelings of anger and negativity only affect you. The power of these emotions are not felt by your ex-partner and trying to have a more empathetic outlook can help you let go of negative feelings and move towards forgiveness.


Let Go of Blame:
Blaming your ex-partner for the failure of your marriage is a natural reaction but it’s not generally helpful to your healing process. Instead, try to take responsibility for your role in the relationship. This doesn’t mean that you take the blame for everything, but it can help you take a balanced view of the break-up and regulate your emotions.


Practice Self-Compassion:
Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving your ex-partner. It’s normal to have regrets and feelings of anger, sadness or even guilt after a separation so self-care and kindness are vital. Recognize that you did the best you could at the time and it didn’t work out so your energy is better focussed elsewhere.


Seek Professional Help:
If you’re struggling to let go of resentment and forgive your ex-partner, it’s okay to seek professional help. A coach, therapist or counsellor can provide a safe and supportive space for you to work through your emotions and help you develop coping strategies and even action plans.

Forgiving your ex-partner after a divorce can be a long and challenging process but it’s part of your healing and recovery process. It’s important to remember that forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened, but about letting go of the negative emotions and moving forward. By practising empathy, and self-compassion, and seeking professional help if needed, you can heal from the pain of the past and embrace a brighter future.

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